In this blog post, I’ll explore why mums often feel disconnected from themselves during motherhood, explain the natural process of matrescence, and share how yoga, meditation, breathwork, and coaching can help you reconnect with who you are now for a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Motherhood is a beautiful, yet deeply transformative experience, but it’s easy to lose touch with yourself in the process. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or disconnected from who you were before motherhood, know that this is completely normal.
Many mums go through this, and it’s often linked to a concept called matrescence – the process of becoming a mother. Much like adolescence, matrescence brings about significant emotional, physical, and psychological changes. Recognising this journey can help you understand why reconnecting with yourself is not only necessary, but also an important part of feeling fulfilled as both a mum and an individual.
What is Matrescence?
Matrescence describes the transition into motherhood, a time when your identity evolves to encompass your role as a mother, but often at the expense of other parts of who you are. Coined by anthropologist Dr. Dana Raphael, this term highlights the often-overlooked fact that motherhood is a major life transition, not just a role you suddenly adapt to. During this period, it’s common to feel lost, questioning your sense of self while navigating the physical, emotional, and social changes that come with parenting.
Or as Zoe Blaskey says in her book Motherkind: ‘This phase was meant to be a messy, bumpy transition, and a time of questioning, identity crises, and confusion, plus a cocktail of emotions and hormonal shifts’. Matrescence is a phase that can last many years and in my view it is questionable if we ever fully arrive in ‘being a mother’. And knowing this can be already a huge relief!
As mums, we often feel torn between caring for our children and wanting to hold on to parts of our old selves. These conflicting emotions are a natural part of matrescence. Feeling nostalgic for your former self is entirely normal. However, motherhood transforms you in countless, profound ways, and while it’s natural to long for the familiar, ‘getting your old self back’ is impossible. Instead, it’s about embracing this new version of yourself, integrating your past experiences with the present, and finding ways to reconnect with yourself to discover who you are now.
Why Reconnecting with Yourself is Crucial
If you’re feeling disconnected from yourself, you’re not alone. It’s easy to put your own needs aside while focusing on your children, and with the constant juggling of roles, we often don’t have the peace and quiet to truly listen to our own thoughts.
But neglecting your own well-being and joy can have negative effects, not only on you but also on your family. By reconnecting with yourself, you:
- Reduce stress and prevent burnout: Taking time for yourself replenishes your energy and helps you better handle the challenges of motherhood.
- Rediscover your passions: Reconnecting with activities that once brought you joy can help you regain a sense of purpose outside of parenting. I have just started painting again after a break of 25 years!
- Set a positive example for your children: When your kids see you prioritising self-care, they learn the value of looking after their own well-being.
How to Reconnect with Yourself
Reconnection doesn’t have to be a complicated or time-consuming process. Small, consistent steps can make a big difference.
Here are some ways to get started using practices that I find most effective – meditation, yoga, breathwork, and coaching.
Meditation
Meditation allows you to quiet your mind and tune into your inner world. As a busy mum, finding even five minutes a day for meditation can help you reconnect with your thoughts and emotions, creating a sense of calm amidst the chaos.
- Simple Morning check-in: Give yourself a few quiet minutes to check in with yourself. Take deep breaths, settle into your body, and observe your inner experience without judgement. What thoughts, feelings, or body sensations do you notice? Ask yourself: How do I feel? What do I need?
- Breath Awareness: Take a few minutes to sit quietly, focusing solely on your breath. Each inhale brings you back into the present moment, and each exhale releases any tension you might be holding.
- Guided Meditation: If you’re new to meditation, try using guided meditations through apps like Insight Timer or Calm. These can help you relax, reflect, and start the journey back to yourself.
Yoga
Yoga is a fantastic way to reconnect with your body and mind. It helps you stay present, reduce stress, and build strength – both physically and emotionally. Even if you can only spare 10 minutes a day, yoga can help you feel more grounded and in tune with yourself. I always say: ‘every little bit of yoga counts‘!
- Morning Yoga Stretch: Start your day with gentle stretches like Child’s Pose or Cat-Cow to release tension and wake up your body.
- Evening Wind Down: End your day with legs-up-the wall or constructive rest with deep breathing.
Breathwork
Breathwork is an effective tool for managing stress and reconnecting with your body. It helps regulate your nervous system, making you feel more centred and in control, even on the most challenging days.
- 4-7-8 Breathing: A simple technique that helps calm the mind. Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale slowly for 8. This breathing pattern is great for easing anxiety and bringing your focus back to the present.
- Alternate Nostril Breathing: This technique balances the hemispheres of your brain, promoting relaxation and clarity.
Coaching
Coaching can provides the support and guidance needed, to set boundaries, reconnect with your deeper self and to rediscover your passions. Whether it’s navigating the overwhelm of motherhood, managing stress, or redefining your identity, coaching can help you create a clear path forward.
I offer coaching to mums who want to find themselves again – whether that means setting aside time for personal growth, regaining confidence, or simply learning how to balance life’s demands.
Embrace the Process
Motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself. Reconnecting with yourself is an ongoing journey, one that requires patience, self-compassion, and consistency. By understanding matrescence and taking small steps like yoga, meditation, breathwork, and coaching, you can rediscover who you are, and feel more fulfilled in both motherhood and life.
A wonderful way to reconnect with yourself is also to join one of my upcoming Mini Retreats in Nyon, on October 6 or November 10, for more info & to register, see HERE.
And, in the meantime, download my free Mindful Mama Cheat Sheet HERE, for further support.
Or take a look at my Mama Balance Bundle, 4 short videos designed to seamlessly integrate yoga and meditation into your daily routine.
