In this blog post, I’ll explore confidence in motherhood – or more precisely, the lack of it that we may experience as new and seasoned mothers alike.
Motherhood is often accompanied by a profound shift in confidence. While we may have spent months preparing for birth, reading parenting books, and setting up the perfect nursery, nothing truly prepares us for the moment we bring our baby home. Suddenly, we are responsible for a tiny, vulnerable life, and doubt creeps in. Are we doing things right? Why does it feel so hard? Why do we feel so uncertain?
Many new mums experience a loss of confidence, and it’s not surprising. ‘Matrescence’, the process of becoming a mother, is not an easy transition – more about that here.
Also, in previous generations, extended families played a significant role in child-rearing. We would have grown up not only seeing our own mothers care for us but also watching aunts, cousins, and older siblings nurture their children. That kind of daily exposure to caregiving is rare now, leaving many of us feeling unprepared when we become mothers ourselves.
Adding to the challenge, the early months of motherhood can be isolating. Our world shrinks as we adjust to sleepless nights, constant feedings, and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a newborn. Confidence is a skill, not an innate trait, and like any skill, it needs to be practised. However, sleep deprivation, anxiety, and the fear of making mistakes can make it difficult to take action, leading to a cycle of hesitation and self-doubt.
Confidence Comes Through Action
One of the most empowering truths about confidence is that it doesn’t just appear – it is built through action. Every small step we take as mothers strengthens our belief in ourselves. We don’t have to feel confident before doing something new; rather, we gain confidence by doing it.
I remember this lesson vividly from my own early motherhood experience. My daughter was born in March, and by the time June arrived, the heat wave was unbearable. I spent my days in our sweltering flat, unsure of how to venture out with my baby in such extreme weather. The thought of figuring out what to pack, how to keep her cool, and how to manage everything outside of our controlled environment felt overwhelming. So, I stayed put, hesitating, waiting for the perfect moment that never seemed to come.
Finally, one day, I mustered the courage to go to a nearby lake with a shaded grassy area. It was a game changer. There I was, sitting under a big tree, feeling the breeze, and watching my baby sleep peacefully in the shade. I felt a surge of accomplishment and relief. And I wondered – why had I waited so long?
That small outing was a turning point. It reminded me that confidence isn’t about knowing exactly what to do; it’s about doing it anyway and figuring things out as we go. The more we act, the more capable we feel.
How to Build Confidence in Motherhood
If you’re feeling unsure of yourself as a mother, know that you’re not alone. Confidence grows through experience, and you can cultivate it with small, intentional steps. Here are a few ways to build confidence in motherhood:
- Start Small and Take One Step at a Time
You don’t have to make a drastic change overnight. Start with something manageable—taking your baby for a short walk, meeting a friend for coffee, or trying a new routine. Each small success reinforces your belief in yourself. - Accept That Mistakes Are Part of the Journey
No mother gets everything right all the time. Mistakes and challenges are part of the learning process. Instead of seeing them as failures, view them as opportunities to grow. Every mother, no matter how experienced, has moments of doubt and struggle. - Surround Yourself with Support
Connecting with other mothers can be incredibly reassuring. Whether it’s a mum group, an online community, or simply a friend who understands, sharing experiences helps normalise the ups and downs of motherhood. Seeing others navigate similar challenges reminds us that we’re not alone. - Do Something With Another Mum
If venturing out with your baby feels overwhelming, try doing it with another mum. Having two adults and two kids can make things feel much more manageable. You’ll have someone to share the experience with, help each other out, and feel safer navigating new situations together. - Trust Yourself and Your Instincts
There is so much parenting advice out there that it can be overwhelming. While information is helpful, no one knows your baby better than you do. Trust your instincts and give yourself permission to do what feels right for your family. - Celebrate Your Wins
Take time to acknowledge your successes, no matter how small they may seem. Getting out of the house, soothing your baby, making it through a tough night—these are victories. Recognising them builds confidence and motivation. - Prioritise Self-Care
Confidence and well-being are deeply connected. Sleep deprivation, stress, and exhaustion can make everything feel harder. Taking even a few moments for yourself – whether it’s a deep breath, a short stretch, or a cup of tea – can help restore your sense of balance and calm.
Embracing the Confidence You Already Have
The truth is, you are already more capable than you think. Every day, you are making decisions, showing up for your child, and navigating new challenges. That in itself is proof of your strength. Confidence doesn’t mean having all the answers; it means being willing to learn, grow, and trust yourself along the way.
Also, I believe that as mothers, we may never be completely free of self-doubt – and that’s okay.
Naya Rivera captured this so powerfully: ‘You’re always going to wonder if you’re doing things wrong, but that’s what it means to be a mum – to care so deeply about someone else that you just want to be as perfect as possible.‘
Motherhood is a journey, and confidence is something that evolves with time and experience. The next time you hesitate, remind yourself that action is the key. Take that small step, venture out, try something new – you might just surprise yourself with how capable you truly are.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
If you’re riding the waves of motherhood and looking for ways to bring more calm, confidence, and connection into your life, consider my upcoming events (next Mini Retreat on April 6, 2025), courses or coaching programmes. I am here to support you every step of the way – because no one should have to navigate the journey of motherhood alone.
And, in the meantime, download my free Mindful Mama Cheat Sheet HERE, with simple practices to connect with yourself.
