In this blog post, I’ll explore boundaries in motherhood – or more precisely, what they are, how to set them and why are they so important, especially in motherhood?
Simply put, boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being. They are the invisible lines that help define what is okay and what’s not okay for us – whether it’s how we spend our time, how others treat us, or how we treat ourselves. They’re not walls to keep people out, but rather gates to let the right things in and keep the draining stuff out.
And in motherhood, boundaries aren’t a luxury – they’re a lifeline.
Why boundaries matter – especially in motherhood
Motherhood is a role that can easily expand to fill every corner of our lives. Whether you’re parenting a newborn, wrangling toddlers, or juggling school drop-offs with work meetings, it’s easy to feel like there’s just no space left for you.
That’s where boundaries come in. They help you preserve the tiny bits of time and energy you have, so you’re not constantly running on empty. When we don’t set boundaries, we often end up feeling overwhelmed, resentful, exhausted – or all three.
That’s where boundaries come in. They help you preserve the tiny bits of time and energy you have, so you’re not constantly running on empty. When we don’t set boundaries, we often end up feeling overwhelmed, resentful, exhausted – or all three.
Some signs that your boundaries might need a tune-up:
- You’re constantly saying yes, even when you want to say no.
- You feel touched out, talked out, or just plain worn out.
- You feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
- You reach the end of the day and realise you didn’t have a moment alone.
Sound familiar? You’re not alone – and you’re not failing. But this is your invitation to re-evaluate how you’re using (or not using) boundaries.
The kind of boundary we often forget
When we think of boundaries, we usually picture them in the context of saying no to others. And yes, that’s one crucial kind: boundaries with others – like saying no to your boss, your in-laws, or even your kids when your plate is full.
But the second kind, which often gets overlooked, is boundaries with ourselves.
These are the quiet, daily decisions that protect our own wellbeing:
- Limiting how much time we spend scrolling on our phones.
- Setting a bedtime for ourselves (and sticking to it).
- Choosing a quiet cup of tea over folding laundry just this once.
- Saying no to the urge to always be productive.
Self-boundaries aren’t about being strict or rigid – they’re about honouring your own needs with the same kindness and care you offer others. When we consistently override our own limits, we slowly chip away at our energy and our sense of self.
Both kinds of boundaries – external and internal – are essential. One protects you from what others ask of you. The other protects you from your own inner pressure to keep going when what you really need is to rest.
So how do you actually set boundaries?
Setting boundaries is a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Here are a few ways to start:
- Notice what drains you
Start by paying attention to what’s leaving you feeling exhausted, resentful or overstretched. It might be too many WhatsApp group chats, bedtime battles that drag on forever, or never-ending chores you’re shouldering alone. These are often clues that a boundary is needed. - Name your needs
This can be as simple as saying: “I need 10 minutes to myself after work before diving into dinner prep” or “I need to be in bed by 10pm to feel human the next day.” The clearer you are about what you need, the easier it is to communicate it – and to honour it. - Communicate clearly (and kindly)
You don’t have to justify or over-explain. A simple “I’m not available for that right now” or “That doesn’t work for me” is enough. Boundaries aren’t about controlling others; they’re about being clear about what’s okay for you. - Hold your boundaries (even when it’s hard)
Expect some discomfort. People might be surprised or push back, especially if they’re used to you always saying yes. That’s okay. You’re not being mean – you’re being honest. The more you practice holding your boundaries, the more natural it becomes. - Set tech boundaries
Phones and social media are brilliant tools, but they can be energy vampires too.
A few suggestions:
– Leave your phone in another room at night.
– Have “phone-free” pockets in your day (e.g. during meals or playtime).
– Use app timers or set a daily “digital sunset” after which screens are off. - Protect your rest
This one is big. You can’t pour from an empty cup. That might mean carving out a regular bedtime for yourself, scheduling a weekly yoga class (even if it’s just online in your pyjamas), or taking a proper break when your child naps instead of catching up on chores.
Remember: rest isn’t earned. It’s essential.
Boundaries and parental burnout
Boundaries are also a key part of preventing and recovering from parental burnout. When we constantly say yes to everything and everyone, override our own needs, and never get a moment to recharge, it’s a fast track to emotional and physical exhaustion. Burnout doesn’t happen overnight – it builds up slowly, often fuelled by a lack of boundaries and the pressure to do it all. In fact, many of the tools I’ve shared in my earlier posts on navigating parental burnout and redefining balance all come back to this core idea: you’re allowed to protect your time, energy and wellbeing.
Final thoughts on boundaries in motherhood
Setting boundaries isn’t about being rigid or selfish – it’s about creating the conditions for you to thrive. You deserve to have your needs met, to feel calm, and to enjoy motherhood without burning out.
Start small. Pick one boundary you want to try this week. Maybe it’s a phone curfew, maybe it’s asking your partner to take over bedtime once a week, or maybe it’s just giving yourself permission to sit down with a cup of tea without multitasking.
Whatever it is, it’s a step toward a calmer, more spacious life.
Are you wondering if you’re facing the normal wear and tear of being a parent or experiencing parental burnout?
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